Hearing Impaired Girl’s Guide to Wednesday Night Television: Web Therapy

If I ever need therapy, I would like to schedule an appointment with Fiona Wallice.  All you need are three minute sessions and she will make every appointment into a business opportunity. She does not believe in dreams or feelings or addictions….unless, you can make money off of dreams or feelings or addictions.  Her client list for tonight’s episode entitled, Drink to Forget are all listed below:

1. Jerome

Jerome isn’t a client, more her assistant. Jerome whom I adore and is played by Dan Bucatinsky (whose death on Scandal, I’m still not quite over). Jerome is convinced that he is being raped by his live-in girlfriend, Gina played by Jennifer Elise Cox (aka Jan Brady).  He describes an incident where he wakes up on the floor of his kitchen covered in Jordan Almonds. At first, Fiona is reluctant to help and instead just tells Jerome to put her somewhere but when Jerome tells her that an interventionist costs about ten grand, Fiona suddenly reveals that she is an interventionist but her fees are a bit higher. They do end up sending Gina to a Sex Anon treatment facility in Nevada and when Gina asks if Nevada is anything like Mexico, Fiona explains that Nevada and Mexico are so similar that most people can’t tell the difference!

2. Jacques

Jacques is Fiona’s former lover who is now in the Witness Protection Program with his wife, Betsy (formerly known as Robin). Jaques and Betsy have a baby, named Tyrome whom Betsy named after a lover. Betsy has suddenly gathered some weird amnesia where she is convinced Fiona is the President of the United States and doesn’t know anything. Fiona is convinced it is all an act and after Betsy continually contacts Fiona, Fiona contacts the FBI to let them know that Besty is unfit for the Witness Protection Program and needs to be removed. The plan works, Betsy gets a release that she can leave. This upsets Jacques who informs Fiona he got literal tattoo sleeves for his wife. Betsy’s amnesia though miraculously clears up and she is gone from Witness Protection and headed to Vegas.

3. Judith Frick

A new client played by Allison Janney. Allison Janney plays a buttoned up headmistress of a very elite private school. When Fiona discovers her connection, she offers her services as a counselor and hopefully getting a contract with the school in turn for helping Judith with her issues. Judith Frick is engaged and a virgin and calls Fiona to discuss what to wear on a romantic weekend with her fiancee. Fiona suggests that Judith have her first time be with a random partner before she does with her fiancee, which once again makes Fiona an awesome therapist.

4. Nina Garcia

Nina Garcia calls Fiona to inform her that she won a make-over from a charity event supporting pink eye. Which, by the way, I want Nina Garcia to call me up and give me a make-over? Does Nina Garcia give make-overs to random people? ‘Cause I want one.  Can I have the one Fiona doesn’t want? Fiona does not know who Nina Garcia and quickly dismisses her as not all that important but I do love Nina’s insults towards Fiona and her trying to convince Fiona that she indeed needs a make-over.

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