I am Titanium

It’s Suicide Prevention month and I’ve seen so many posts….

People experiencing sadness, yelling about hurting the most…

I’ve been down this road, many a time…

When I have taken a moment to ponder this life of mine….

I’ve been called some pretty vile names, bullied and literally thrown away…

I’ve had things thrown at me, people begging me to die telling me no wants me to stay…

I’ve been bullied so severely, been labeled a “placeholder friend”, one to be cast astray…

I’ve been easily dismissed, silenced, can’t tell you how many times cruelty has caused a cry…

Yet I stand quietly, letting the words hit, knowing the hatred is filled with a lie…

Those words have caused me to go quite numb…

And soon I am aware that I am Titanium.

Despite what I’ve heard and despite what I’ve been told…

I will never fall down, never crumble, never fold…

I will never say die or say I’m completely done…

I will never give up as long as there is a sun…

I will always keep looking for another door, another route…

I will never throw my arms up and declare my life is now mute…

There would be too many things to miss, too many things I know…

And I understand that will always be just how live goes…

So here I stand waiting for the next to come…

After all I am Titantium.

Movies and Chinese food on Christmas Day…

Sitting on my couch watching television and writing away…

Being lazy and happily wasting a lovely Los Angeles day…

Pumpkin Spice season, Holiday Season, Birthday Season…

Celebration time, never quite needing a good reason…

Finishing another level of Cookie Jam or Candy Crush…

Good Mexican food or a super good brunch…

A glass of wine and a homemade pizza while the rain falls outside…

A friend date or guy date that makes you feel so incredibly alive…

Christmas music playing in the mall…

Wondering why adulthood means I no longer get 8 Days of Gifts at all?

Finishing a whole book in one complete day…

Shopping all your cares away…..

The love of a pet whom you simply adore….

A good conversation or two or three or four…

These are moments that make it obvious to me…

That life will always offer me the best of everything…

And when things get hard, when life seems rather dumb…

I am Titanium…

When I reconnect with friends whom the distance has caused less interaction….

When I keep reliving the same friendship moment in my head over and over, gaining much traction….

Phone calls and texts and inside jokes that will never stop a smile…

Successes and open doors that make believe you’re going in a direction worthwhile…

So when things are cruel and I wait patiently for more fight to come…

I must believe that I am Titanium…

A hearing disability and open heart surgery….

The majority of the funerals I’ve been to have been for people under thirty…

There has been intense sadness as well as intense joy…

A new outfit, a new friend, a brand new toy..

Living each day and making plenty of mistakes…

Sometimes wondering just how much more I can take…

But then there’s a call, a video, a joke, a friendly text or a fantastic book…

All of which makes life worth another look…

So before I call the day as done…

I simply remember that I am Titanium…

The look on a child’s face when they realize they finally get it…

When something you’ve written causes someone to say they’re happy you said it..

When you hear the problems of others, when they tell their stories…

When you hang on every syllable and revel in their glory…

When you push a student to overcome what they thought they could not…

When you can’t help but laugh at a five year old’s joke about snot…

When you’ve written something that causes you to smile…

When you get out of your own way and reach yet another mile…

When life gets you down and seems less fun….

It is important to remember fact number one…

We are all Titanium…

titanium

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