2015: The Year I Learned Some Slang

Every year there are new words. No longer can things simply be “rad” or “cool”, they need be “on fleek” which does not have anything to do with wool or Mary had a Little Lamb–that’s fleece. It means that something is on point or on fleek. So there….that you should put in papers . It will be totally on fleek.

I am still having issues with YOLO because like I said in 2014, everyone LO’s. Everyone lives once and it doesn’t make sense. I go to the grocery store, YOLO! Well, yeah ’cause you need to go to the grocery store or else YOLO but not for long. Things can also now “give you life.” Like oh goodness, this pizza is just so good that it gives me life. No, it doesn’t. It give you carbohydrates and melted cheese because it is pizza that is what pizza does. This song is so good, it gives me life. No, it does not. The song might be good. It might be pleasurable to your ears but it in no way gives you life. You know who gave you life? Your parents. That’s it. The end. Go to bed because you are so on fleek…wait.

In addition to YOLO, we have FOMO. Which I mistook for FIMO, the baking clay. That’s not it, nor is it FEMA–the Federal Emergency Management Agency. FOMO means “fear of missing out”. I have no FOMO. If I MO, then I was meant to MO. FOMO sounds almost desperate. I gotta jump out of the plane without a parachute ’cause YOLO and I have a FOMO. Go away. It doesn’t make you sound cool. It takes too much time to figure out what you’re trying to say.

We also have “yaaas” which confuses me and apparently means high levels of approval. So was simply writing the word “yes” was becoming too much for today’s youth? Also, “yaaas” sounds strangely close to “YAZ” which was also the name of a birth control pill with side effects that range from weight gain to heart attacks….yaaaas. Get me on board with that.

Another word we were introduced to in 2015 was “turnt” which is not a step in the hokey pokey where you “turnt” yourself around. If you are ever in a position to sing the hokey pokey, don’t say that you “turnt” yourself around or else you will get some very awkward glances. “Turnt” means wasted like drunk like, “oh, dude I got turnt” and to be honest…it makes me think of the hokey pokey and also waffles. I don’t know why. Don’t ask. It’s not on fleek.

Still we’ve got “bae” in the vernacular which I really think is just pointless because it also means “poop”.  Now, I’m involuntarily single…it’s not by choice….but if my boyfriend ever calls me “bae”, I’m gonna be super tempted to buy stronger deodorant. You’re basically calling someone you love….poop. Hey, poop….you’re the best. No, no you’re not.

There’s also the phrase, “shade” as in throwing an insult. Like, “oh, that shirt makes you look like a melon” and that is an example of throwing shade unless you like melons and that was the look you were going for then okay. I do feel a little bad. I always thought shade was a good thing. “Oh it’s hot out, let’s go sit in the shade”. People like that, it cools them down but it’s not anymore. It is bad and you throw it at people. I can’t help but think of it like a compliment because if you say, “oh go in the shade” I would be saying, “thank you kind person who dresses like a melon.” No, though. Now we have to be careful because shade is bad.

“Sickening” or something looks “sick” is supposed to be a compliment as well. Oh, that makes you look sick which means great. Okay, here is my problem. If you tell me that the outfit I am wearing makes me look sick, I’m gonna go home and then never wear the outfit again. Since when is looking sick a good thing? I thought it meant you had to go to your home and have people bring you soup? If you’re sick, you don’t look good….you look well, sick.

Now let’s also discuss “AF” which means “as f**k” which also means good like saying that outfit makes you look sick, saying AF means that something is as good AF or AGAF. Really? Have we become that lazy? That Pumpkin Spice Latte is AGAF. No, it is not. It is pleasant. It has a lovely aroma but I would not go that far. It doesn’t even make sense people. It just, no….don’t go there.

I would also like to bring into this conversation, “squad”. Thank you, Taylor Swift for bringing this to our attention. Squad Goals. It sounds like we’re in high school and I don’t want to limit myself to one squad and what do you do in your squad? Perform dance routines? Well, if you’re Taylor Swift…probably. Look, this whole squad goal thing came from people wanting to be like Taylor Swift and her friends but honestly, no one will reach that level. It’s referring to a group of friends we all aspire to be. I’m happy with my friends, I don’t aspire to be in any squad or clique and that’s not just because people question my appearance in squads and stuff…

Let’s also discuss the words “dead” and “no chill”. Saying something is so funny that you respond with, “oh my G-d….dead.” Okay, I don’t want anything to be that funny that I feel it might end my life. I’m just fine with being moderately amused. Saying “dead”, that just sounds mean. Nothing is ever that funny and “no chill” means you are not calm, nor are you rational. “You have no chill”.  I think I have fully demonstrated my lack of chill but fine, I’m not chill. I’m warm and have a lot of sweaters.

We’ve also got words like “adorbs” which I guess because saying “adorable” takes up too much time and “totes” which means “totally” and not a bag where you can carry your outfits that make you look sick and “cray” which means “crazy”. These words concern me. Have we really gotten to the point in our society where it takes too much time to say “adorable”, “totally” or “crazy.” That makes me sad and that’s totes legit.

 

Finally, we’ve got “netflix and chill”. Whoa, this does not mean what any of us thinks it means. It means sexy-time. I think that’s deceptive advertising. If you’re inviting me to Netflix and chill, there better be television on, some pizza and I will be watching Netflix until I nap because…well, YOLO and I have no FOMO and that is how I have chill.

So, these are my slangy words that I learned in 2015. See you on the flip side and I hope your 2016 is totes on fleek.

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