That Time Tony Maglio Made Me Sad About Nashville: A Country Song Dedicated to a Fictional Show

So here’s the deal:

The Wrap reporter, Tony Maglio, wrote an article about Nashville‘s return last night and that fans of Nashville should assume that last night would be their last spring premiere.  The reason for this, according to him, stems from  “sudden double-digit ratings drops, new series lows, and a conspicuous omission among early renewals.”

http://www.thewrap.com/why-this-will-be-nashvilles-final-premiere/ –there’s the link to his article if you wanna read more and I suggest you have doughnuts available if you feel the need to eat your feelings.

The thing is, much like what’s written in his article, there hasn’t been an official word on whether or not Nashville will be canceled, but signs are not looking good. In addition to low ratings, the President of ABC, Paul Lee, was fired soon after he had told reporters at the Television Critics Association Winter Press Tour that Nashville wasn’t going anywhere. Would now be an appropriate time to use the phrase, “that awkward moment when….”

After The Wrap article, I tweeted Tony Maglio like the super professional person I am and told him that if I knew how to write country music and also if I could sing, I would do that because I am just that sad and upset and I can’t find the right food to accurately describe my feelings. I was thinking nachos, but that’s just like all the time.

Anyway, Tony was nice enough to give me some written prompts to help me express my feelings about Nashville possibly ending. So thus begins my first attempt at writing a country music song.

But FIRST:

Like I’m sure all country music artists do, they research how to write songs on the internet. I found two sites:

http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/writing-country-songs-plain-and-simple.html –so this is super wordy. I kinda just skimmed, but it’s fine. It’s got stuff and talks about music genres. Bluegrass. I guess you have to figure out the type of country music you wanna write. I wanna write music that wins Grammy Awards. That’s not too much to ask.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/pictures/14-simple-rules-for-writing-a-country-hit-20140613–this one is from Rolling Stone and they like to do lots of music and the Rolling Stones are a band, although they don’t do country. Also, I skimmed this and I also really just read the comments section because let’s be honest, that’s like the best part.

Now, my research is complete. It was a lot of research. Also, and this is not a little known fact, I enjoy rhyming while writing children’s stories, birthday statuses on Facebook, poems…. cover letters for jobs which actually might explain a few things. Wait, what?

Okay, so let’s get started.

Here are my prompts thanks to Tony Maglio: Hound dog/ Beer/ Truck/ Lady/ Shotgun/ Porch swing/ Boots

Ahem….that’s me clearing my throat.

This is my attempt at a country song….
I’ve really done very little research so this will come out wrong….

According to an article I read in The Wrap….
The ratings for Nashville are quite possibly taking a nap….

Now they won’t know anything for sure until the up fronts in May…
But just in case you cared, here is me simply having my say…

Ode to Nashville, not a single hound dog in sight….
But in case you didn’t know it, Rayna and Deacon got hitched last night….

Deacon has had some problems with hard liquor and beer…
Which is why it’s concerning he bought a bar on the show this year…

So Rayna and Deacon have not always had the best of luck….
Remember when Deacon was drunk so Rayna drove and crashed his truck?

So now if this season is truly the end and these eleven episodes are truly the last…
Then I hope the producers bring back the lady who shot her ex with a shotgun blast…

 We may have to say a possible goodbye as we strum our air guitars on our porch swings…
Maybe the return of Juliette will be what revives this wonderful thing….

Yes, the ratings have fallen and the truth might be something fans can no longer ignore…
It might just be time to return our cowboy boots to the cowboy boot store….

The fall finale apparently landed a rating that was an all time series low….
Nashville seems to place 54th in all the primetime network shows…

Maybe this is not the end and this is all just a theory…
But whatever the case, it’s making me a little teary…

There are eleven more episodes and we won’t find out anything until the spring…
I’ll just hold out hope that this is a series they won’t think about cancelling….

I have nothing more as this was my attempt at a really bad country song….
Watch out Taylor Swift, as I’m sure an invite to the Grammy’s will be coming along…

ED AMATRUDO, HAYDEN PANETTIERE, KOURTNEY HANSEN

 

 

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