Ladies and Gentlemen….

The most DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY EVER….

Except there are no roses. No ball gowns. No extravagant locations.  Although, there have been some lovely conversations and plenty of tears….on the inside.

The goal is to go on as many dates as possible until Chris Harrison arrives on the scene to declare that only one man will get my final rose.

First let’s discuss the criteria:

  1. Must be male: I think that’s usually helpful in looking for a husband.
  2. Nonsmoker: I went out with one smoker in college. It was during a college break and he thought I would be completely turned on by the fact that he had beaten up his father and yes, he smoked. He tried covering it up with mouth spray which made it even worse. Sorry, smokers….the smell is too much.
  3. 30’s-40’s age range. Ideally, I’d like someone who is 38 and over but definitely in that range. Being in your 20’s is awesome and every year, I do turn another age of my 20’s but let’s stick to the 30’s and 40’s.
  4. Good sense of humor, intelligent, kind, respectful, not a serial killer: Basically, you know how to treat other human beings
  5.  Yeah, let’s reiterate that….no serial killers, no rapists, no racists, no sexist people, no drug users….I think that’s always an important thing to state.

Apps being used: Tinder, Bumble, JSwipe, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel…..

**This post will be updated as more dates are added and all names have been changed to protect the innocent, guilty and also just ’cause it’s easier. I’m starting from the most recent:

DATE 23 and a half

After the disaster that was number 22, I was actually looking forward to number 23. We met at the Republic of Pie and had pie and coffee. He seemed nice, lovely, there was a conversation and he definitely renewed my faith in people. Do I know if he’s the one? Not sure. It’s interesting though because this entire process keeps making wonder what it takes to get a guy to text back? A lot of these have been single dates that have bordered on “nice enough”. As I get close to being a quarter done in my dating journey, I feel I want to step up my game. Get that second date, third. The connection? Someone once told me that the problem with online dating is there are too many options. We’ve now become a human buffet of choices and even if we come across a buffet item we enjoy like a large piece of bacon or a waffle, we keep wondering if there’s an even larger piece bacon or a bigger waffle down the line. What is it going to take to keep the connection going? To keep the guy at the buffet line, so to speak….or at your buffet line?

DATE 22 and a half

Many years ago, I knew a girl who loved those shirts that said, “boys are smelly, throw rocks at them”. Even at the time, I thought were kinda mean and if the roles were reversed than “whoa Nelly”…..she got mad at me for saying that and never spoke to me again. I would like to make a public declaration that the girl who is probably not even reading this is indeed correct and I want a giant rock. I want a boulder.

Let’s discuss this in so many words.

We had decided to go to Casa Vega for dinner until Casa Vega had some roach problems. Get it together, Casa Vega. We decided on another place called, Salsa and Beer. This place was in the buttholes of the San Fernando Valley but it still sounded tasty. Anyhoo, parking was redonkulous because it took about 20 minutes to park in the lot. I finally see him, it took him awhile to park as well. When I get in the restaurant, I notice a guy just staring at me so I assume it’s him. We get up to the front to put our name down. It’s an hour long wait. Oh, hell no. He goes “we need to pick another place”. Alright. We decided after much back and forth to go to Anejo which is close to where both of us live. It took about 10 minutes to get there. I finally pulled into the lot and get a text saying “let’s go for coffee instead.” He proceeds to say that he contacted Anejo and they have a wait too. Well, it’s Saturday. I text him back, “I’m here. We can just put our name down and be done with it or go this restaurant next door, Marie Callendar’s which will probably have no wait.” I also wonder why he never put our name down if he called….then by the time we got there, that wait time would be less but you know, who am I?  His response “well, thanks for putting in the effort but that’s okay.” I text back telling him the wait is 25 minutes and I’m not sure what he means. He texts back, “I’m done for the evening.”  So a waste of a date.  Wow? Hey, anyone got a boulder I can borrow?

A COMMERCIAL BREAK:

There seems to be a lull happening here. I have had three texting conversations with different guys that have gone no where so let’s discuss the duds because it’s fun and I do see the commercial break ending soon:

DUD #1: Didn’t ask a single question about me. I asked him general questions like, “what do you do?” “did you enjoy your weekend?”  General questions and he answered but did not ask anything in return. So I jokingly said that this was the point in the conversation where he would have to ask me something. He gave these three gems:

  1. I live in San Louis Obispo. Sometimes I drive by where you live. Side note: I live three hours away.
  2. I like writers. I was a writer from ages 7-13.
  3. What’s your favorite exercise?

I am curious as to where’s he driving to and how nice that he passes through my neighborhood. I never pass through his neighborhood. Demeaning what someone likes doing professionally is never a way to someone’s heart. “I love doctors. I used to pretend I was a doctor when was five!” Yeah, no. The final one? We had not been discussing exercise. I let that one slip through my fingers.

DUD #2: I should have seen the red flag when I texted him about dinner. Okay, I didn’t quite learn my lesson but his response to dinner instead of just coffee, “well, we’re all adults and I don’t feel comfortable going to dinner so coffee it is.” I’m sorry, I missed the part where I was stomping around, sobbing about how I had to eat dinner. We made reservations at 10:30a at Aroma on a Saturday. He did not want to do any sort of later afternoon date. So I went according to his plan. Get a text four days later saying that he had been thinking about our date and felt we weren’t a good match, had a change of heart and just needed to cancel it because he was going with his gut. Well, okay…..we hadn’t spoken in like five days and to be honest, seemed like a jerk.

DUD #3: Literally texted about three times with this guy through a dating app about nothing really. I mentioned we had a lot of mutual friends and then he suggested we become Facebook friends. I reluctantly did so because we do have a lot of mutual friends and some of those mutual friends hate me and I thought I could “run interference” although not sure if I’m using the phrase correctly. I could imagine a conversation like:

“Hey, why does Sara want you to die?”

And I could respond with “Wh-whaaaaaa?”

That backfired because I soon received a message from him saying how were weren’t a good match. I said that usually I have to get to know someone first and exchange more than three or four sentences before coming to that conclusion and he told me that he was in the midst of a spiritual journey but I could attend classes that he was teaching. He was just having clarity but hopefully we could remain friends.

Yes….that’s why I’m on a dating site. To find friends. Really? Hey, friend…..can I show you the quiz I took on my ideal wedding gown and location and tell you what I want to name my children. You know, ’cause we’re friends.

DATE #21 and a half: Surly Goat and a Surly Man

Having learned my lesson, I went out for drinks with Surly Man and didn’t push for dinner. We did ultimately share macaroni and cheese though because the macaroni and cheese at Surly Goat is what dreams are made of. It was an interesting date with some very interesting topics which leads me to wonder how deep do you go on a first date? I knew about his volatile relationship with his ex-wife, how his daughter wants mom and dad back together and we discussed personal issues. Does he want more kids? He did tell me how he had had dates where the girl had just wanted a free meal. I told him about some of the crazy guys I had gone out with.  It was a great conversation but it did get personal. Deeply personal and it reminded me of some of the other deeply personal first dates I have had. When it gets that personal, how easy is it to move forward? What is the danger of showing your crazy too soon? It feels that the crazy should be kept hidden….at least for a little bit.

DATE #20 and a half: Coffee and a Lesson

Awww, the dilemmas of coffee dates, ghost questions and posting in girl groups where there are always opinions. So I was talking to Mr. Healthy Man while I myself was exercising. It was a phone conversation and before one questions exercising and talking at the same time, please allow me to explain. I was just walking a long distance. So there was no huffing and/or puffing. Mr. Healthy Man seemed impressed by my exercising and did encourage me to pick up running which made me laugh because the only way I will run would be if someone was chasing after me with a knife. You know, like a normal person in the world. So at this end of this conversation which took about an hour, we came to the discussion of dates. I prefer a dinner date. He decided on coffee because he felt more comfortable. By the way, this discussion took place on a Saturday. I reluctantly agreed and said yes to a coffee date.

I don’t really like coffee dates. I prefer dinner, sitting across from someone and getting to know them and it takes awhile for me to look cute. Contrary to semi-popular belief, I don’t just wake up looking like a shorter version of Jennifer Aniston. So coffee doesn’t feel like I need to put in much effort so I posted in a girl group, “what do y’all think?” I actually wrote it in a far more wordy way but that’s the gist of it. It ended up being a healthy discussion as opposed to an unhealthy one.

Apparently, there are girls in the world who go out with guys for a free meal. If you are one of those girls, can you just not do that? It really puts us girls who just like to have human interactions over a meal in a really bad spot. Seriously, girls in the world who do that?! And okay, but then that also makes me worried because dinner is just one meal.  What are doing for the other two? I understand broke. My bank account would vouch for that if it were not curled up in a corner sobbing and screaming in pain but really, come on? Anyway, my confusion with people will be saved for another day. One girl though in the group had a really cute idea that instead of coffee at like a Coffee Bean or Starbucks, let’s go to a fancy coffee place. There are places like Aroma or Republic of Pie that are coffee shops but are cute and fun and there are yummy snacks involved.

So I text the guy on Monday. The date was Thursday at 2:30pm.

Got no response.

Texted him again on Tuesday. Nothing.

Now, I had gotten a text from someone else wanting to have lunch. I texted and texted. Nothing.

So after four texts and no response by Wednesday, I had two thoughts. Well, I have many thoughts  but only two are relevant to this.

  1.  Am I texting a landline?
    Now, normally if I text a landline, I get an alert saying that I’ve texted a landline and would I enjoy being charged for it if I send it. I didn’t get an alert but I just kept thinking that it was bizarre that someone who just flake on a date that was basically set up in their favor.
  2. Am being ghosted?
    Lesson time! I posted in the group and asked if I was being ghosted and it seemed to be a general consensus that I was which made me second guess my original gut reaction. It’s not the fault of anyone in that group because they did exactly what they were supposed to do: support, encourage and give positive feedback in my favor. It was my error. I should have gone with my gut. With the thoughts that maybe something wasn’t right here.  No one had confirmed my thought that it was a  landline and I had never even mentioned it.

Here’s the soup. On Thursday, I finally get a text that says, “I’m here.” Turns out, he was at the Coffee Bean and I had been texting a landline. Now, there are some issues here. He had not even bothered to call or text me in the four days since our phone call. Which I find odd. A quick confirmation as well would have also solved this. We rescheduled at a Coffee Bean for a Tuesday afternoon and he seemed….ehhhh.

He’s a health nut, never enjoys eating too much which could be good. I mean, I prefer to keep a pretty healthy fridge BUT I also enjoy the occasional plate of nachos or cookies and sometimes at the same time. Moderation is key and I could quickly tell that this was guy who would not want to ever just indulge. He kept saying that he never really ate. My coffee was even bigger than his. He got the smallest cup. There was no real spark and I could tell that if this turned into something, I would probably be very self conscious about my nacho intake and I can’t live in a world where I’m self conscious about my nacho intake.

DATE #19 and a half: Free Therapy

A nice guy who told me how he grew up in behavioral homes. How his parents didn’t really know what to do with him so he was sent away. He has dealt with a lot. Some big issues. He told me how his last girlfriend was way too controlling and he’s a good boyfriend because he doesn’t cheat on girls. Which by the way, why the disclaimer? If you have to tell someone you don’t cheat then….wait? He seemed to be selling himself, seemed to be unloading. There’s always that line on first dates. How much do you reveal? How much of your crazy do you keep hidden? Or so you just say, “hey, I’m a nutball….take it or leave it?” Where’s the line? See, I do try to keep my crazy hidden. No need to let that all out so soon. You don’t need to know that I don’t well in crowds and one of my reasons for finding my husband is so that I can find even more reasons to not go places…..oh and also companionship. He felt the need to let all out. I became his therapist. I listened. I gave advice. I encouraged. He told me he liked me. I enjoyed my number one combination Mexican food platter of a beef taco and a cheese enchilada.

Oh and here’s a PS that I’ve been noticing….end of the date etiquette. Dear boys, perhaps walk your date to her car? I mean, some have and some have not and while these dates have all taken place in areas that would be considered safe, you never know. Please refer to any show on the ID Channel for examples. It takes seconds for someone’s life to change forever so why not just walk the date to her car. It might be out of your way, but she’ll appreciate it. Manners 101.

DATE #18 and a half: No Chemistry

Is there anything more sad? I mean, aside from you know war, death and famine…..going on a date and there’s no chemistry. He was fine. Perfectly…..fine. The conversation was….fine. All of it….fine. But I probably would have said yes to another date if he hadn’t texted me after to tell me how he thought we weren’t a good fit. Why? Because I’ve been on dates where the passion was immediate and it fizzled early. Maybe passion takes awhile? Maybe connections take awhile. I mean, even in friendships….the ones that start fast, end fast. So I don’t know if I would have said no to no chemistry date. There might have been chemistry in the second one but unfortunately we will never know and I’d rather not force someone to like me. That never ends well either.  Apparently, people have issues with constant texts asking to do stuff. Whatever. People are so picky.

DATE#17 and a half: And you’re how old? 

So here’s the thing…..if you lie on your profile, the truth will come out. This guy seemed handsome in his picture, seemed younger and his age wasn’t too bad but maybe I should have said no when he said he had a 15-year-old and a 21 year old. Still gave him the benefit of the doubt until I met him. He graduated Fairfax High School in 1978, which was the year I was born and also there is a slight possibility that he may have been a student in my mother’s English class as my mother taught English at Fairfax in 1978. He was old. I wanted to tell him about my car. It was truly uncomfortable. He texted me later to say that I seemed more interested in the burger I ate than him…..well, he was not wrong. Seriously, the truth will come out. So stop it or I’m calling Nev and Max.

DATE #16 and a half: The Divorcer

Started interestingly enough with a request to Facetime. I’m not sure what it was about this that made me uncomfortable and why I was secretly relieved when my phone somehow decided Facetime would no longer work but it felt like an odd request. He was screening me but I was screening him. Still felt a little bit strange.

We finally met. Another sushi date and the revelation that he had not been on a date in nineteen years. He was so recently divorced that often he would refer to his ex-wife as his wife. He has kids but did admit that sometimes he did not wish he had them. When he learned I still have yet to walk down the aisle, he responded with, “you dodged that bullet” and at the end,, he told me he did not really know what to do next. My mother. as well as a new friend, both called me his “transitional date” when I explained the date. I have to agree. He’s a nice guy, a filmmaker but not ready. I could tell everything was still fresh and new to him. Definitely good that he’s nice but maybe he should wait a few more months before getting back in the dating pool. He did tell me his divorce was amicable, it was just one of those things. He didn’t seem bitter or angry….just not ready.

DATE #15 and a half: Pot Smoking Trump Supporter

In his picture, he actually looked rugged. He didn’t look too shabby. In person, he did look shabby. First off was the part where he told me that for a living he sold and grew pot. He told me how he got into that business. He explained his love of smoking pot and it was truly his passion.  Then told that he ate a lot and had a big appetite. Well, no duh as the kids from the 90’s say…..I’ve watched Weeds. I know how that goes. By the way, if you haven’t watched Weeds yet, I highly recommend it. Fantastic show. Anyway, this guy was a Trump supporter who spent about twenty minutes or at least it felt like it, telling me how he hearted his guns and wished he could carry around his guns in public and told me the legal way to carry your guns in Los Angeles. I missed the opportunity to say, “under your shirt….after a workout….where you can say to your friends, ‘how ’bout those guns” and then everybody laughs until it’s uncomfortable for everyone involved.  He also told me how he repeated freshman year of college three times because he partied too much. I partied in college as well but only on the weekends because I’m a nerd who feels you don’t go out too late on school nights. So clearly, I was crazy….you know like watch out. I am also a valley girl, born and raised. He lived in Encino and then moved to Idaho after his mom caught him smoking pot as a teen (I know!) and then told me how people who grow up in Encino are spoiled and entitled and have no clue about the real world. That is where I grew up. Spoiled and Entitled, California. He also told me that he doesn’t see the point in marriage which well, I do and that Sandy Hook was a faked conspiracy. He believes Sandy Hook never happened because we have not seen pictures of bodies. To which I responded with…..who would want to see that? I can live the rest of my life not seeing that. I will be fine, but he is of the pot addled mind that it did not happen.

Oh and he’s also a smoker….yeah, I don’t think this will be my future husband but if anyone else wants him, then you know….go for it.

DATE #14 and a half: Homeless Lawyer

This date began with  comedy of errors. There are two sushi restaurants with the same name: Katsuya. One is in Encino. One is in Studio City. Both of these restaurants are on the same street about six miles apart. I went to the sushi restaurant in Encino, he was at the one in Studio City. I drove to the one in Studio City after realizing the error. I figured it was just easier and he had made reservations at the one in Studio City. Of course, it took me forty five minutes to drive six miles but hey: Welcome to Los Angeles. where if the smog doesn’t kill you the traffic will! He was younger, about 31 and also looked homeless. Look, I don’t want to be shallow but if I go and get my hair done and make sure I look good….then comb your hair. It takes work to look good.  His hair was uncombed, his shirt was too tight and he had a giant gash on his hand because apparently he could not get a Band Aid. He was a lawyer but seemed rather sad. He looked messy. There didn’t seem to be much of a connection either.

DATE #13 and a half: The Sad Man

He grew up in the valley and told me stories about how he hated his father. He had two brothers who were twins and one was a jerk. He was beaten up by gang members in high school and was still angry. He also got a $63 parking ticket on the date which I felt bad about and he was angry, which I don’t blame him.  I offered to split our dinner and he said I could pay tip until he realized I had no cash. I ended up paying for his ice cream later and I felt like I was very much his therapist for the evening, giving him advice on his volatile family situation.  I felt for the guy. We’ve all had negative situations. We all have stuff, baggage and it is my nature to try and be there for someone who is going through something. I’ve had many “friends” who have turned their backs on me just as soon as I said something they didn’t like or in a way they didn’t like. So I listened. Now, there are people who would say I should not have had to pay for anything but he was angry about the parking ticket, he was going through a lot of emotional issues, if paying for his ice cream would make a difference in his day then so be it. It’s a tough world out there, we could all use someone who will listen.

DATE #12 and a half: Casa Vega Lateness

My favorite Mexican restaurant in the San Fernando Valley is Casa Vega. I will argue this and stand by it simply because it is true and when this date offered to do a Casa Vega date, I was more than thrilled. I was also a little late. I hate being late. I hate when people are waiting on me. I always do my best to punctual but I lost track of time. I had met a friend for coffee and did not look at my phone. He was incredibly gracious and tell me I was not late at all because the date called for 8-ish, not 8 so anytime after 8 is on time. I liked that. He had not planned on getting dinner but the lure of Casa Vega is just too much to resist. So he got a burrito and I got my taco and enchilada platter and the happiness continued. We talked about our shared love of 80’s movies and television shows but I’m not sure how much of a connection there was. It’s always so strange dating.You may get along with someone, the conversation flows but there’s that indescribable thing. That passion. That spark. That part where you go, “well, there’s nothing wrong with him but….” it’s just one of those things.

DATE #11 and a 1/2: I Heart The Donald 

A Valentine’s Day first date. Now, I’ve had a first date on Valentine’s Day before. This led to a short lived relationship where he would insult me to his friends in Hebrew. I don’t understand Hebrew but I do understand being pointed and laughed at and then being told not to worry about it when I ask but I digress. This particular guy asked me out three hours before dinner. I said we could go out another time and he said, no, let’s do it then so I relented. I wasn’t doing anything and I had treated myself already. I had lunch at my favorite place and the flower shop gave me a free rose. I was feeling festive. Normally, I don’t do a date three hours before but it was Valentine’s Day.  We met up at Sol y Luna and his first comment was that my hair was curly and not straight. Second guy to mention that. In my dating profile picture, my hair is straight.  I’ve now learned my lesson. I will have my hair straightened before every date although ask me to go on a date three hours before dinner, you will most likely get curly hair that looks like a frizz ball mess. Straightening takes time. Looking good takes time. You get what you asked for.

Now, the date. He was very vague about what he did for a living. Something about selling and I was waiting for him to tell him that he was going to sell me a watch. He wasn’t entirely nice to the waitress but the date took an even darker turn when he began declaring his love for The Donald. He lectured me on how Obama should be in prison, that Trump cutting arts programs and programs that help people is a phenomenal move and when my response that making fun of people with disabilities was a pretty disgusting move, his response that people get made fun….it’s no big deal. His intensity and his love of The Donald was a little unnerving and he did not stop. He seemed bound and determined to get me to change my mind. Different politics is not always a deal breaker but trying to convince someone to change their minds is. I politely told him several times how I was probably not going to change my mind and that seemed to make him even more determined to do just that.

He did actually reach out a few days later but I was not interested.

DATE #10 and a 1/2: Mr. Cell Phone

When I go out, the cell phone is put away. It’s my purse, it’s not looked at. This is the reason I lost track of time and was late to the Casa Vega date mentioned earlier.  This guy though was on his phone the entire time which is a shame because it started nice. He brought me a rose…a real one. He was funny. There were board games inside the restaurant and we played few rounds of Connect Four. He seemed very good-natured.

Then he told me how one of his employees and his construction company was arrested for fighting in front of a Taco Bell. The employee kept calling him and asking for money and he kept answering the phone. It was eight o’clock on a Saturday night so I’m not sure what the employee or he thought they would accomplish. He was on the phone and clearly way too busy for a date. It was such an annoyance and at the end of the date, he did not walk me to my car. He valeted and I parked several blocks away behind my father’s office which essentially a dark alley. During the day, it’s not scary but at night, it’s a dark alley where you can’t see anyone jump out at you. The guy did not walk me to my car and instead watched as I walked by myself down the street and turned the corner or maybe he didn’t watch at all and was still on his phone.

DATE #1/2 : Twenty Two 

He was my half a date. I got to the place where I was meeting the guy mentioned above and there was the most adorable 22 year old ever. Brown hair, brown eyes, a smile that would make anyone melt. He was also flirting, he wanted to buy me a drink. It was so very flattering. I asked him what he did and he said  he was living the life. Code for being in your twenties and the harsh realities of life have not kicked you in the nuts yet. Yes, he may have only been interested in one thing but he was sweet and if you’re nearing forty and get hit on by a twenty two year old, how is that a bad thing? I’ll take the compliment.

DATE #9: The Absentee Father

I do want children. I want a man who wants children. Now, a man in the midst of bitter divorce who barely gets to see his six children? I don’t want to live in an episode of Maury Povich. This date was yet another rainy, late night date where he had been in Chicago for his son’s Bar Mitzvah. His ex-wife refused to go to her son’s Bar Mitzvah if he was there. He only visited Chicago every once in awhile because his ex-wife wouldn’t allow it and he refused to move to Chicago because while he loved his kids, he didn’t want to be near the ex-wife. There was way too may drama and I wished I had Dr. Phil’s number on speed dial. He was also in law school because in his words, he had been sued so many times in his life that he figured that he should learn law….for fun.

Now, there’s baggage. People going through rough times and people who need to take a break from dating so they can sort stuff out like Dr. Phil style family drama.

DATE #8  Tardy for the Party

It had to happen.  In today’s political climate, there’s a great divide. I will continue to stand by my belief that we have a tyrannical lunatic in office who cares only about himself and will destroy us all but on dates, you have to be on your best behavior, right? You can’t just be like, “oh, yeah…Trump blows” but instead, “yes, I think I disagree with the whole thing where he doesn’t want old people to get fed and thinks the arts are a waste of time, please pass the ketchup.” So this was the first Trump supporter I went out with  and he was forty minutes late to the date. Not a great first impression but I gave him a pass when he informed me that he had just moved to Los Angeles from New Jersey about four months prior.

Los Angeles traffic.

It takes people months, years to figure it out. Some people never figure it out and just decide they’ll be one of those people that is late and will own it happily. See, you can’t go buy the number of miles because it might take you a half hour to go a half a mile. True story. You always have to add on at least thirty minutes, “just in case”. This date was at 6:30 and he sent me a text at 6:30 saying he was on his way. In Los Angeles lingo, that might mean you haven’t left your place yet. I do think this guy’s lateness was a combination of not understanding L.A. traffic and also, not leaving on time.

So finally gets there and we start talking although there doesn’t seem to be a lot of chemistry. During the evening, politics came up and he starts with his love of Trump but I do have to give him some credit here. He veered away from the topic once realizing we weren’t going to see eye-to-eye. This I appreciated. I will say it again, people have different politics but if you can find something you have in common then stick to that. Unfortunately, though I don’t think we had a lot in common.

DATE #7: Mr.  Potential

If dating really was like an episode of The Bachelorette, this guy would have actually gone far but the timing was not right. On paper, he was a good match.  We had a lot in common and on our first date, there was instant connection. We went to a restaurant that has old school video games like Space Invaders and Pac Man and played, the conversation flowed. He was a perfect gentleman, funny, fit every criteria. He walked me to my car, he was a great first date and between the first and second date, we texted constantly. It was just surprisingly easy. Our second date was going to a movie and we had a good time even though I’m not sure I liked the movie. Maybe there were signs though. Signs that it wasn’t the right time. He was having career issues and I am having career issues. A friend told me that two people in a relationship can’t both be in a career crisis at the same time. He felt he was not in the right head space for a relationship.  This was probably my first legit disappointment in this journey. I do hope he finds someone though. If not with me, with anyone. He’s actually a pretty damn good catch.

DATE #6: The Trekkie

This was Tinder date and was at a Mexican restaurant, Anejo.  We sat together and things seemed to be going well until I jokingly called him a Trekkie. He said his favorite show was Star Trek and I said, “so you’re a Trekkie.” I also learned on this date that calling someone a Trekkie was akin to shooting someone in the balls and spitting at them. He was so offended by this and I’m still not sure why. We all have television obsessions.  I spent most of the date being schooled on the importance of Star Trek and he did not laugh at my joke about my favorite Star Trek character being the dude with the banana clip on his face. Many things did not gel on this date. He seemed far more focused on everything else going on around him and very uptight. He was not a guy with a sense of humor about anything and seemed very unable to poke fun at himself. That’s a little difficult.

DATE #5: The Felon

Brunch date at a place where I had been supposed to go to with a friend a few days earlier. The friend had canceled but the restaurant left me intrigued. The place is called The Bellwether and the food was amazing, the company….well, it was okay until he told me he was a convicted felon because he had sold LSD to an undercover cop when he was in college and he was also unable to teach children under sixteen.

This led to my own internet sleuthing and the question of how much of a someone’s past is too much and a deal breaker. I mean, I don’t think entirely fair to judge someone based stupid mistakes they made decades earlier but I also want to have children and the fact that he cannot work with children under sixteen is worrisome. Might be too big of a deal breaker and and the past might be too big of a shadow. Of course, I immediately texted a lawyer friend of mine who specializes in criminal law and she had said she felt he was hiding something. It had to be more than drugs. The Felon and I talked a little bit after the date but I haven’t heard from him since which might be for the best. Sometimes someone’s shadow makes things a little too shady.

DATE #4 The Canceler

Maybe I should have just canceled it all together. Maybe I shouldn’t have. But the Canceler lived up to his name. He kept canceling for one reason or another. We ended up finally being able to meet at a restaurant at ten thirty at night in Westwood after my Marketing and Advertising class. He was busy with work, suddenly got an influx of jobs so that was why he had to keep canceling. He thanked me for being understanding but there’s a lesson to be learned here. Perhaps schedule dates when your life is not so busy. Also, I don’t think I looked my best on this date. I was tired, it was late, I was hungry and my hair was a frizz ball mess. He did point that out but I pointed out that I didn’t have time to get it straightened. I did enjoy the evening but I also felt like it was just something he had to do because he felt bad about canceling so much.

DATE #3: The “artist”

Have you ever been on a date where the person sitting across from you has an energy level so low that you feel almost manic in comparison? He spoke at length about himself. He talked about how he was an assistant for a famous rapper which I guess was supposed to impress me.

Newsflash:  In Los Angeles, no one gives a crap. Unless you’re besties with Meryl Streep, the majority of the people in Los Angeles know someone or know someone who knows someone. It’s not news to say you know someone in the entertainment industry.

This date was shortly after New Year’s. When I asked him what he did for New Year’s Eve, he said he walked by himself. Did not ask a single question about me. He talked about how he loved fashion and art and wanted to put on a show. I made the mistake of telling him that I happened to know a publicist who is actually very well known. He wanted me to contact the guy and set up a meeting. While I would have loved that for my own sick amusement, I declined. I got so bored at trying to figure out questions to ask that I finally asked him if he liked sports and his response was that he did not like sports because he was an artist. I’m not sure I know what that means. I never realized that if you liked sports, it meant you didn’t like the arts. He also told me he writes poems and songs and is so insanely boring that it makes people cry. He didn’t say the last part but he should have.  At one point, he did move his hands and it was the most exciting thing he had done all evening.

DATE #2: Mr. Aggressive

First date was brunch on a rainy day. I didn’t think I looked my best as it was rainy so my hair looked like a frizz ball. He took pictures of his food for his Instagram. It’s Los Angeles. People take selfies of themselves in the bathroom. Food photos are tame and it was a good restaurant. He was a New Yorker, funny and definitely worth a second date.

Second date was a pizza place. He drove me there on a flat tire. Flat tires are usually not planned and it was a little scary being a passenger in a car where the driver is driving on a flat but that was not enough to dismiss him. It could be a funny anecdote. There were pictures of pizza being taken. He talked about his job which seemed to be him working awards shows, not planning them just being there. He did invite me back to his apartment. He seemed okay, a little weird but not enough to dismiss him.

Third date. We went to a very fancy restaurant. Parked near his place, his tire was fixed the restaurant was really romantic. This was right around the holidays. There was a little bump when his card was declined at the end of the meal but cards do get declined, tires do go flat. Little mishaps that happen in life aren’t enough to derail what could possibly be a great relationship and honestly, I liked him. He seemed like a genuinely good guy although there were some things I was starting not to like and noticed a little aggression, turning around and kissing me at random moments, not checking to see if I wanted him kissing in the first place, that struck me as strange but I dismissed it as me being too picky. We went to see Christmas lights after dinner and it was gorgeous. There was fake snow, Santa and reindeer, everything so intricate and almost magical. Videos were taken, pictures with captions like “this is how the Jews do Christmas”. Had the evening ended there, it would have been perfect.

After all that fun, he asked again if I could come back to his place to watch Deadpool. I said okay. He said he would not make a move. I believed him and was having a great time and also wanted to see the movie. Once in his apartment, we sat side by side and he put his hand on my chest I moved it away, he put it back, I moved it away and this time, he moved it back and under my top. I moved it away and he climbed on top of me and began kissing me, I shoved him off. He did that again and again before I shoved him off and left his apartment. There would be no fourth date. While I get the fact that maybe he was expecting something if I said yes to going to his apartment, the multiply times I said no should have been enough.  He seems to have had very little experience with women and I don’t think he’ll getting more experience with me. Let that be a lesson boys: No always means no.

DATE #1:  Ghost Man

I call him a Ghost Man not because he was a ghost nor was I ghosted but because I have no recollection of who he was. Where did we go? What did we eat? What did we drink? What did I wear? What did he look like? Clearly this date was not memorable.

 

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