Open letter to Hollywood Execs: Shows that Should NEVER be rebooted

With the return of Will and Grace,which has left me feeling very conflicted, I wanted to send an open letter which will most likely go unread by the executives of Hollywood but I felt it was super important to state my case anyway even though no one really cares.

Dear Hollywood Executives,

The reboot is all the rage. Gilmore Girls. Fuller House. I get it. They’re fun, it offers nostalgia, instant ratings. It’s fantastic and I happily binge watched them while eating snacks and refusing to speak to others which you know, is a healthy way of living in the world.

Now, we’ve got Will and Grace coming up and while I will hope for the best and have no power regarding any sort of reboot or how Will and Grace will go….I will beg and plead in a semi-desperate and slightly pathetic way to please leave the following shows alone and away from any rebooting.  Just wipe it away and they never need to be rebooted like ever in the history of the world. There are other shows. Leave these alone.

1) Friends

Yes, this would bring in A LOT of money and huge ratings but at what cost? Okay, that’s a dumb question and I don’t mean that as a literal question….’cause let’s just be honest, it would cost like bucket loads of money to get a Friends reunion show. It would probably take money that hasn’t even been printed yet.  Money that could go to feeding starving children and providing me with an employable salary and health benefits but that’s another issue for another open letter, one that involves a continuous stream of my tears  while sitting in a dark corner rocking back and forth. Anyway, that aside, the cast and executive producers have been saying they do not want it and they’ve been saying that since 2004.

The show ended so perfectly.  Sure there are questions like, ‘did Rachel really give up her dream job in favor of a clearly unhealthy relationship?’ The answer would be, yes….yes, she did. So that’s just how it will have to go. She got off the plane and we can only hope that she and Ross had some intense couples counseling off screen. Okay, so maybe instead of a show,  a group interview would be better. I would be happy to narrate and ask all the inappropriate questions. How does next Tuesday around 2, sound? In all seriousness, no Friends reboot. They aren’t in their 20’s or 30’s anymore and the show was about a specific time in someone’s life and now they’re out of it, married with kids and jobs except maybe Rachel…but they’ve moved on. That time where your friends are your family ended for those characters in 2004. There’s nothing left to tell.

2) The Wonder Years

First things first and probably the most important, Fred Savage has said it will never happen so unless you’re planning on doing a reboot taking place at Kevin Arnold’s funeral with Winnie narrating and a special appearance by Marilyn Manson played by Paul Pffeifer played by Josh Saviano, there’s no possible way to make this work. You kinda need Kevin Arnold, he’s necessary to the whole plot ’cause of the whole narration thing.  Besides, there’s that whole Wonder Years DVD thingy which has all the reunions. They did it, no need to be greedy. Although, if you really want it, I would like to pitch a Wet Hot American Summer version of a reunion where they do that seventh season but don’t recast. Just have them at the age they all are now playing seventeen….but I don’t think anyone will be happy with that except me. But I  could pitch….next Tuesday, around 2?

3) The Sopranos

Tony Soprano dies at the end! Spoiler Alert!  He totally dies. That cut to black proved it and I will yell mean things at anyone who tries to convince me otherwise. The show was told through Tony Soprano’s eyes and he has no more eyes because he’s dead. There’s also another much sadder reason why a reboot of The Sopranos would not work….the passing of James Gandolfini. Recasting would be insulting to his memory and it should be left in the fond memories of fans. James Gandolfini was a giant and was absolute perfection as Tony Soprano. The best way to celebrate his memory would be to not reboot the show that made him a household name.

4) Seinfeld

I am still hurt by that finale. It hurts my television watching soul. I mean, okay, it was finals week in college and that finale was going to be my reward for studying all week. I even took my tiny little television out of my dorm and gave it to a friend. I did not watch television for a whole week. I was proud. My parents were proud. My friends….well, they didn’t really care….but I like to think they were proud. When finals week was over,  I sat wrapped in a blanket, surrounded by boxes while drinking wine and eating a Papa John’s pepperoni pizza….they knew me at Papa Johns. College was fun.  Anyway, and oh, I didn’t eat the whole pizza by myself because that would have been wrong. Please believe me. Although, after watching that finale, no one would have blamed me for eating my feelings and because of that, I don’t think Seinfeld should have a reboot. That finale aside, it was a phenomenal show and I don’t think you could even capture it’s brilliance today. It was really a show about nothing so no need to make it into something.

5) Cheers

This show was a place where everyone knew your name and not only that, they were always glad you came! A reboot of Cheers just could not work today, not with information being a click away. Cliff’s stories would be debunked with a simple click or internet search.  Cheers was symbolic of a simpler time. No internet, no smart phone, just human interaction and technology would destroy a reboot of Cheers. It just would not work today as the premise was not a complicated one and considering how low the ratings were when it first premiered, it’s doubtful a show like Cheers would last longer than a season today. Cheers was about a quieter time and was about people, about finding humor and drama in relationships in a neighborhood bar.

In fact that’s what all of the above shows focused on which would not make them good candidates for reboots today. They weren’t about technology, instant information or whether or not you got a lot of  “likes” from that Instagram picture of your dog and you sharing spaghetti over a candle lit meal. I don’t want to see an episode where Monica posts a Facebook live video of the twins soccer game or Paul and Kevin arguing over Twitter about baseball cards. I don’t want to see Elaine, Kramer, George and Jerry sitting in a deli watching funny YouTube videos or Norm checking his Tinder at Cheers.

Let’s keep those shows where they belong… in the past and maybe come up with something new?

Just a thought….and if you need me to pitch you some ideas, I’m free next Tuesday. Around 2.

Luv,
Me

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