I Want to Work for Rob McElhenney

I want to work for Rob McElhenney.

There you go.

Now, before the calls and letters to mental hospitals in and around the San Fernando Valley begin….

I would like to plead my case.

I have only recently become creepily obsessed with the brilliance that is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Yes, I know.

Admitting that you have a creepy obsession with any show is really the best and only way to land a job.

Now, I don’t have the statistics on that but I’m sure it’s right up there with showing up at social events dressed as Jeffrey Dahmer and asking people if they’d like a bite of your sandwich.

So yes, in my unemployment depression and angst that would cause even the most angst ridden teen to declare that I should simply lighten up, I have become a fan of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Watching the show, behind the scenes interviews and reading message boards until the wee hours because unemployment insomnia is a super fun thing, has only resulted in my fandom increasing and me deciding that one day I would want to call Rob McElhenney my boss and I would of course thank him for the opportunity and the health insurance.

It was through this obsession and countless interviews I may or may not have watched, I decided to heed the advice Rob, Charlie and Glenn seemed to espouse over and over again:

Create your own opportunity.

So I did.

On a hot summer day, while I was delivering Ben and Jerry’s ice cream that someone had Postmated and laughing at Kaitlin Olson’s Instagram stories, I decided I would do just that.

And then I would get a job and Postmate my own damn ice cream.

Seemed simple enough.

The LA Pride Parade back in June seemed like the perfect place to make this happen.

I would tell Rob McElhenney, my future boss who doesn’t know it yet….

Okay, side note…seriously, so not in the mood for a restraining order and the mental hospitals are probably full…so what you’re thinking you might need to do….no need.

Anyway, Pride….

The Paddy’s float was amazing. I loved that I was there before the Sunny cast arrived. I was there early because I was supposed to be volunteering with Project Angel Food but I kept being dragged back to the Paddy’s Pub float in all its wonderful colorful glory.

 

 

Standing there, watching the float come to life, I made a decision.

I would tell them.

I mean, I had already made a decision to tell them but now I would definitely tell them me.

I would tell them how they inspired me. How I was creating my own content and how much I appreciated them.

I had played the conversation in my head:

Me: Hey, Rob….I’m doing a project. You truly are inspirational. Also have you been lifting weights?

Rob and/or Kaitlin….I don’t know, maybe they’d speak in unison…I won’t judge: Yes, oh, that is awesome. Send it to us when you are done, you brilliant genius of a person. Also, have you lost weight? And you also look like you are twenty one years of age.

What? Too far?

It’s my fantasy and in my fantasy, they say that and also, they say, we would also really love to hire you and have you fill out a 401K.

Of course, much like Instagram, the reality was far sadder. My excitement led to inane small talk about t-shirts.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pitch my idea. Maybe I just thought it wasn’t the time, not appropriate.

Maybe he wasn’t there for himself.

Sure, Sunny was the draw but it was a vibe. He was there as support, not as the star.

So I didn’t.

But I still filmed my project.

Five chapters using Rob McElhenney’s words as guidance.

Wrote. Directed. Created. Edited.

Acted.

I want a Razzie for my acting.

Then sent it out completely unsolicited.

Which those not in the know, is never the best plan but honestly, it was between that and running down the street screaming, “hey, watch me now…..bee-yotches!”

And honestly, I think I made the right decision.

What came out of this and what came out of the speech I would give later for KPCC Unheard LA about growing up hearing impaired in a fully hearing world,  was several things….

1. Everything you do might bring you closer to your goal and if you got nothing left to lose, might as well do it.

2. The thing I’ve already said several times. Why must I repeat myself?

But before the ink dries on the inevitable restraining orders, I would like to once again plead my case as to why I want to and should work for Rob McElhenney.

Here are the reasons:

I have no experience in television development.

I have been a special education teacher for twelve years.

I have two Masters Degrees.

I’ve taken so many UCLA Writing Extension courses that I actually might be a few credits shy of a third degree.

I’ve done a little freelancing.

I’ve written two unpublished books.

I spoke in front of two hundred people about being diagnosed as hearing impaired at age six.

I created my own content.

I am delivering groceries for Postmates.

I am 40.

I also know how to sell myself really well.

All that side, which I think are all very strong selling points, I want to work for Rob McElhenney, Charlie Day and Glenn Howerton because they’re smart.

They know what they’re doing.

They look to create content that hasn’t been seen on television.

They look for people who are different.

Who have different takes, different ways of looking at something that may or may not have been done many times before just to get a laugh.

Everything they do has a purpose as if they are speaking to the audience.

Rob gaining weight or getting in shape, there’s a message attached to the madness. A reason. He didn’t just inhale doughnuts because it was fun although, let’s be honest…it probably was fun.

I can go into that and all the very publicized reasons why he gained and/or lost weight but I’m going to focus on something that hasn’t been reported about.

Maybe because it hasn’t aired yet but this thirteenth season, the Sunny gang is taking on the Time’s Up/Me Too movement and the episode is being written by Megan Ganz.

Megan Ganz?

The incredibly brave woman who came forward with her own harrowing Me Too story about Dan Harmon while writing on Community many years ago is writing the Time’s Up episode?

There is no way that is a coincidence.

And it’s brilliant.

It’s also strangely and unbelievably kind hearted.

How cathartic that must have been for Megan to be able to take on that episode and put her own humorous spin on the movement that she herself was unfortunately too familiar with. Also, given how unbelievably talented she is and how excited I get when ever I see an episode with her name on it, I know this is going to be an amazing episode.

But I mean really, what an amazing gift to give, so why wouldn’t I want to work for a group of men who seem eager to give women a voice.

And if they would do that, then what would they do with a hearing impaired woman who knows all to well the pain of being told her voice is simply not good enough?

I want to work at place where I know I’ll be heard.

I want in.

I want to watch in amazement as a show that presents itself to be a low budget, thrown together comedy is anything but.

I want to work for a company that not only listens to their writers but also listens to the audience, hears them closely, taking in every comment.

Mac is never going back in the closet for this reason.

So maybe saying anything at Pride wasn’t appropriate. Maybe writing my goals in a blog that he may never see though I will tag him and Kaitlin anyway and if by some miracle, they actually do read this than might I say you both look lovely…..which I know is an I ncredibly creepy statement….

And also might be inappropriate.

But a wise man once said he did the pilot to It’s Always Sunny because he had nothing left to lose.

Neither do I and that’s the fun part of having nothing to lose.

You never know what might happen.

Maybe you’ll somehow end being responsible for creating a sitcom that will end up becoming the longest running live action sitcom of all time beating Ozzie and Harriet.

From ‘Honey, I’m Home’ to ‘I will eat your babies bitch!’

Television has come a long way.

So where do I send my resume and cover letter?

I’m ready for the interview but don’t worry, I will look far better than I do in the picture below.